Film review: Rise Of The Guardians

So I still got some ideas after declaring I was empty. Last week I ran out, and I turned to the news to prattle on about something... then I turned the fuck right back around and walked away. Fortunately, over the weekend I made a trip to the cinema and saw the new film by Dreamworks, Rise Of The Guardians.

It occurs to me without my lovely and very patient girlfriend this sort of film would be denied to me. Like Dreamworks previous outing, How To Tame Your Dragon, I was highly aware if I, an alleged adult who's just about closer to thirty than twenty, went into this film alone I would be led out in handcuffs and banned from ever going nearer than fifty feet from a school playground as a precaution. However, like before, I could grab my aforementioned very brilliant and patient girlfriend and bring her into the cinema with me, all the while going, 'SEE, THIS IS DATE NOW, I CAN GO IN, IT'S ALL GOOD, I AM NOT HERE TO RE-ENACT SAVILLE, GO ABOUT YOUR DAY.' Which is good, because when I saw this picture...

Coal? Nah, Naughties get beatings

...I had to see it. A gangland tattooed Santa voiced by Jack Donaghy? Hells yes.

Before we go any further, a brief discussion of the ads in the cinema they made me watch. That bloody dust-filled-empty-cinema-due-to-filthy-pirates advert. Ah. No. I saw the returns for Avengers Assemble, Dark Knight Rises, Skyfall and the heaving queue for the Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey. I also saw how much you were charging for food. You're doing fine. Shut up.

The Rise Of The Guardians plays it's plot relatively simple; a group of folklore staples (Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Sandman and Tooth Fairy) learn of the return of a old evil and they must band together with new member wild-child who has a mysterious past. So bloody mysterious even he doesn't know it. Elaborated some more, we have Jack Frost (voiced by Chris Pine,) playing the winter trickster. He's the Jack Frost of folklore I barely remember; he nips at your nose, paints windows and creates fun around him. However, he's not all sunshine and rainbows as he cannot interact with the people of the world bar with his powers, even the children whom he spends a lot of time ensuring they enjoy themselves. He knows of other folklore figures, in a nice hint this world is bigger than what this film will get into, but holds little interest in them save from messing with them. However, Pitch Black, (voiced by Jude Law) a creature of nightmares returns, and North, (Santa Claus, voiced by Alec Baldwin) is instructed by the Man On The Moon to assemble the rest of the Guardians. So that introduces us to the silent Sandman, as well as the Bunny and Tooth (the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy, voiced by High Jackman and Isla Fisher respectively.) However the Man On The Moon further instructs them to take Jack. Jack begrudgingly goes with them, originally only because the Man On The Moon said so, who created Jack Frost, but later further motivated by the chance to get his memories back.. From there, it's a running battle of wits and swords as Pitch Dark seeks to create a world of fear by striking at the root of the Guardian's power; the belief of children, by sabotaging what the Guardian's are meant to provide. So, let's say you wanted to see Santa covering for the Tooth Fairy. They got that. They got that down.

From here in, it may get a wee bit spoiler-y, so... you've been warned. So. No bitching.

In terms of the plot, I went into it knowing it would be simple, and wondering if the novelty of Santa swinging a sword in each hand would get old. It doesn't. It's awesome. Santa Claus. With a sword in each hand. Awesome. Whilst staying out of major spoiler territory, there was the cliché 'new guy with troubled past is mistaken for betraying the group' scene which I hate, but it passed briefly enough. Also, minor niggle. Funny little flashback at the end of a scene we'd seen ten minutes early, tops. We didn't need that. Okay fine, it's targeted for kids, but the words enough would of sufficed. So yeah, a little predictable in places, but nothing offensive, and it's the characters and world that more than compensates.

Let's talk about the voice acting. I am not a fan of Chris Pine, who you may remember as Kirk in the recent Star Trek reboot, who bounced from wooden to a Kirk caricature. So let me be the first to say; he did a phenomenal fucking job. The opening monologue of his (even through a small child's shrieking behind me) was perfect, capturing the right mood of sombre, wistfulness and cheek, and he doesn't let up the while way. Brilliant and bravo. In fact, the whole cast deserves mention. Alec Baldwin goes nuts with a ridiculous accent for North which is very enjoyable (which I award bonus points for remembering that Santa isn't American.) Hugh Jackman seems to dial up the Aussie accent rather pleasingly for Bunny, giving him a distinctive lilt. Whilst I've mentioned I dislike the cliché 'new guys mistaken for traitor scene,' when Bunny vents at Jack... it's very clear he's venting, not truly meaning what he says, but is a person suffering a tremendous loss. He follows up with quiet, reflective monologue as he calms down really sells it. And when we come to Jude Law's Pitch... His best delivery is in on, scene, with one line. It's one word. 'No.' It's outstanding. No, no sarcasm here; with one word he displays so much about his character it's chilling. Hah! No. Wait. I meant ugh. Though he seems to be channelling Loki from the Avengers a bit. Not a problem, but I honestly thought I was listening to Tom Hiddlston for a while.

The world, as you would expect, is beautiful and interesting, with the team constant returning to North's workshop... because it's Santa's bloody workshop and while his film's time is set just before Easter, it's Christmas now, so yeah. Why not. The characters are such a joy to be around. North stands out with his accent, permanent enthusiasm and lack of indoor voice. Alec Baldwin is having the time of his life and it's infectious. He swings around two swords and lives in a toy shop crewed by yetis and useless elves, and in a joyful moment, acknowledges that they are bleedin' useless. He would be my favourite, apart from the fact Sandman is here. He's a mute, so he communicates with expressions and crafting sand into images. More importantly, this little guy?

Look at him! He needs cuddles! Yes he does!

Yeah. You don't fuck with him. Ever.

It won't end nice.

I will say however whilst each character gets their moments, there was a loser of the bunch. Tooth, unlike the others, I feel she didn't get enough defining moments. As the first to be weakened she was damsel-ing it up for a lot of the film. I don't ever remember a particular fighting style or big moment of badass, which was disappointing. The biggest 'Oh, cool!' moment for her wasn't even about her really; I really dug the idea that she collects teeth as they contain the best memories of childhood, and she keeps them safe to return later should adults need them. Very sweet and a nice twist, but ultimately, that's about what she collects, not about her. Sometimes Pitch's character confused me, as it was hard to gauge how powerful he was. It was strange to consider it felt plausible that all five together could pound him flat, but he had 'Can't Touch Me' annoyance powers and dicked around weakening everyone whilst he built up power, so he entered the final As Unto A God.

What left the cinema with me was mainly a memory of lots of little moments, lots of character interactions and reflections. With Jack it was the all details of his voice work, watching the sand come down at night and seeing his satisfaction that the children will sleep well tonight, or his brilliant come back proving he helps children, 'I make snow days.' For North it was booming compliments to his elves as they fuck up. The whole gang's face as they realise they took teeth for Tooth yet forgot to leave money. Sandman's conjuring of a little bowler hat so he can doff it in greeting. So. Many. Scenes. That I will not talk about, as you need to see them, so I won't ruin them for you.

Wrapping up? I really can't do better than Movie Bob's 'Like the Avengers, but with Santa' summary. It's a pretty film, with interesting, vibrant characters if a standard plot. I, an alleged adult, highly enjoyed it, and I recommend it... as long as you're not allergic to kids. Yeah. The ending will annoy you in that case. It feels like they want to make a franchise outta this, and I say go for it. I saw it in 2D, so I can't comment on the 3D.

That being said, you're probably going to skip this in favour of the Hobbit. Which is fair. But pick this up on DVD at least or you're missing out.