Time advancing is like film reboots - sometimes, not entirely awful

I've always been a proponent that you should forever by wary that you were, very recently, a colossal bleedin' idiot. Think about yourself five, ten years ago. What did you like? What hobbies, fashion, hairstyle, music, politics? Dear god they were stupid shit, right? You looked like an idiot, and your music was garbage to. And think how naive you were!

Case in point - they were once very popular, and fashionable.

The second part of this philosophy of self-reflection is to realise that this happens all the time, so five years from now, you'll think the you of today is stupid.

I've been pondering this today because whilst I was doing my swimming I was struck by the idea if I got up earlier, I could go running in the morning before work. In doing so, I would pick up a little more exercise, and if I did it regularly, I may just lose the last stubborn bit around my waist and get abs. Honest to god abs. I have never had abs. I've never come close to having abs during my life, until recently. I eat well, I even regularly eschew meat and have those healthy vegetarian option... though admittedly that is also motivated by poverty. Meat is expensive.

But this thought came in knowing that I despise getting up early, let alone volunteering to get up even earlier, and I'm not massively a fan of running. It's difficult, and early in the morning is the realm of cold and misery. And it's an idea I really want to do, and what the hell has happened to me.

I am completely different to the person I was ten years ago, which, yes, duh, but it's still a weird sensation. Ten years ago I was practically a carnivore, who believed that there was a conspiracy to claim vegetables as food. I lived in an utter mess, because it wasn't a mess, it was a floor-based filing system, exercise was something completely irrelevant because I was young and had a metabolism that kept me permanently gangly.

Also I believed that the Liberal Democrats were totally legit, and that my degree I would earn at university would lead to a high paying job.

Ah, I made a joke!

Some of these things changed because of reality. Over things, well, you can't live with someone whilst wrecking the place. Words get exchanged. And considering my sizeable battle-ready weapon collection being evenly distributed around the apartment gives a definite motivation to talk things out nice and early, before the screaming happens, and hands get itchy. Tragically, even with the sizeable weapon it appears somewhere down the line I may have become an adult, who knows what escrow is, among various little titbits of boring adult things like ISAs, pension plans, despising modern news media, and wondering where the hell Dr Bashir ended up.

Ah, there you are. Jesus, DS9 came out in the 90s. That is a long time ago!

I'll think that I'll roll with this new me, on account of having slightly more disposal income, a driving license, all seven series of DS9 on my shelf, and a mostly functional nose. Hey, I didn't sleep properly for four years. That sucked. Also worth sliding in is that I live with the person I love, so that's an improvement.

You know, I probably should have mentioned that first, before the money. Hmm. Maybe I'll move the weapon collection out of grabbing reach for tonight.

I sort of wonder what I'll be like in ten years, although I'd be approaching forty so my brain simply screams trying to think about it. I do reckon though I'll be thinking that the way I combed my hair to hide the creeping edges of my forehead was bloody idiotic.

Incidentally on a non problematic subject have I mentioned how proud I am of my country right now? When the Mail on Sunday slandered and defrauded that food back, it turns out that the country that the Mail on Sunday and Daily Mail think's they represent is nothing but a twisted fantasy. When exposed to that horrific story, many outraged citizens went out... and donated the fuck out to that charity. They had a few hundred pounds donated before the story... now they have over sixty thousand pounds.

Sixty thousand pounds sterling was raised as a passive-aggressive 'fuck you' to those utter deplorable pricks. That's some good passive aggression. We're also bashing the fuck outta UKIP's blatant racism, which is hilarious that they're playing the 'everyone is bullying me, waaah!' defence. Not quite, UKIP. It's just that you're utter idiots and inclined towards saying racist / sexist / badthingsist things, and any journalist worth their salt knows that following UKIP around is an easy way to fill column inches as they can't keep their own mouths shut.

Who knows, maybe ten years from now I'll be thinking how stupid I was to be worried about Scotland up and leaving, UKIP's growing influence and us leaving the EU.

I already used the Picard grin gif didn't I? Arse.

The Mail on Sunday slanders a food bank. Classy as all fuck, those guys.

Edit: You know, perhaps venting rage at the Daily Mail isn't the way forward. I've accused them of having no class, and screaming at them for it isn't that classy either. But you know what is classy? Donating to the charity, The Trussell Trust, that Ross Slater and the Mail on Sunday defrauded. Link: here.

I have had many opportunities to yell and scream about the Daily Mail. I mean, it's not like they don't give my ample demonstrations of their spitefulness and disgusting actions. So sometimes it's interesting when they decide to fulfil their slogan I once made up fot them: "The Daily Mail: We can go lower."

In today's issue of the Mail On Sunday (same paper, just the Sunday name for my international readers Edit: Actually not the same paper. Huh Different editors and everything. I will treat them as one in the same for this post however, for simplicity) one of their... okay. The technical word here is 'journalist', but that doesn't seem right. Hmm. They need a new technical term for people who right for them. I'm gonna go with 'cunt.' Great. One of the Mail on Sunday's cunts went out to a food bank, asked for some food, and took a photograph of himself with the food.

No link, as fuck their click-bait.

Let's break things down, shall we? And I really must stop making a habit of attacking the Daily Mail, but they must get out the habit about being some of the scummiest people to ever walk this earth first.

The title's a lie, for one. It says no questions asked, but the third paragraph in clearly states questions were asked. You know, Daily Mail? Stick to lies of omission or blatant fabrication from the get go, it'll work out better for you.

Oh, further demonisation of the poor! Yay. Nice to see the Daily Mail is firmly tonguing the government's ass on this one. The Tories slash benefits, and claim the increase of food banks is just a weird coincidence. And by increase I mean tripling. The Tories have attacked food banks for stating the the reason they're in more demand, is 'cos, ya know, benefit cuts (they did ask why so many were coming through the door) by claiming it was just the feckless work-shy poor wanting free shit. Or wanting to eat, the selfish pricks.

Also: Tories, verbally attacking a motherfucking food bank. Wow. Wow. Who does that? Who honestly gives shit to a place that makes it their mission to feed to poor? The Tories, that's who, apparently. And the Daily Mail now, but at least the Tories came out and said what they thought, rather than scuttle about and smear the issue like the Mail.

I love the 'oh look how much food I've been given!' photo. Yeah. That's to feed four. For three days.

And to top it off that cunt, Ross Slater, doesn't seem to get that by doing so he stole food from a charity. And wasted their time. Also, to repeat myself, he stole from a charity. Who gave food to the hungry. The starving. The desperate. He took their food and wrote a peice on who the poor were using food banks selfishly.

Oh, but wait, after the inevitable outrage from a country still in collective possession of basic morality, he gave it back, that makes it okay, right?

Still not getting it, are you?

No.

This is the sort of shit the Daily Mail gets up to all the damn time.

I'm not going to say much more about this, as I can feel the bile welling up again. But, just in case you feel the need to say what your thought of this shameful actions that cunt took, or the paper that approved it, I think I'll leave some Twitter feeds here.

Ross Slater's Twitter: https://twitter.com/rossslateruk

The Daily Mail's Twitter: https://twitter.com/MailOnline

Captain America is far better than Superman

Normally when I know I'm going to miss a week, and post the next day, I post a Feeble Excuse so in my head, I've posted 'something.' This week I didn't even do that. It wasn't that I had nothing to write about, but I just plain forgot.

Well, that's a lie. I remembered at 11.37PM Sunday but I was in the midst of trying to go to sleep and to hell with getting up. So. Today.

Captain America is far better than Superman

The DC fanboy in me utterly laments the fact that whilst DC can't seem to get it's shit together, Marvel knocks every movie under their wing out of the park. The Bale Batman trilogy, the best DC films, suffer from both being so straight-laced realism-heavy pieces they exclude the rest of the DC universe, and running out of steam by the end. The first two were fine, great even, but Rises petered out early. Let's not talk about Man of Steel and Green Lantern, okay? Blergh.

Instead Marvel is on an unholy tear, and when asked by my non-comic friends what they missed I have to knowingly nod whilst discreetly loading up Marvel's wiki on my phone. And it continued with Captain America 2: Winter Soldier.

After watching that film, I could watch an entire film of no action, just following Steve Rogers going about his daily routine being a decent bloke. That man is just so damn likeable. It's so damn refreshing. No 'grr, grr, dark, growl,' but 'well, it's the right thing to do, so I'll do it.' Steve Rogers is one of the few heroes to have a lack of character growth. Look at Tony Stark - an asshole, who had his life disrupted by being kidnapped, exposed to his corporation's corruption, and having his cell mate sacrifice himself for him, growing Tony into the hero he later becomes. Thor is a powerful ass, falls to Earth, learns to be less of an ass as Natalie Portman asks him to (a totally legitimate reason, by the way.) Steve Rogers? Decent guy, physically weak. Gets super-serumed up. Continues being a decent guy, only now with the ability to fight bad guys, so he does. He's the same guy, same good person, just buff as fuck now.

I mean, when asked about what he likes about modern-day times, one of the first things that comes to mind is that 'no polio, that's nice.' I mean, he could be biased as he looked like he'd suffered from it, but hey! Look at all these people, with no fear of polio! Isn't that an awesome thing, really? And that's how he thinks.

Captain America is really easy to get wrong. Example:

Yeah, that's what a bad writer can easily do with Captain America. Be a 'my country, right or wrong, best in the world, deal with it mofo.' Yeah. The real Cap doesn't sell that line. If his country is wrong, he'll fucking say so. It's an amusing problem for extreme right-wingers - he's Captain America, so you can't criticize him, yet he stands opposed to what they stand for.

That's not saying that the Cap is a smiling simpleton. No. He can tease, and mock. He can be awfully abrupt when he's unsure about people's trustworthiness. He's a balanced character. Shock!

So Captain America bounces around this film, in bright colours (props on bringing back the WWII costume which is badass and not the goofy Avengers version) being a great person, in a film that's a load of fun and do you see this, DC? Do you see this? The Cap is bright red, white, and blue, has a fun film and is making a shit tonne of money whilst grim and gritty Man of Steel barely limped over it's budget.

And this is the Batman fanboy speaking here!

Anyway. Why the Cap is better than Superman. Should of probably got round to that earlier.

Both have very similar characters: the good guy. They do good because it's right. They both represent America at it's finest. They both lead and inspire people to greatness.

Of course, a handicap that effects both of them is that they're a little too perfect. Flaws makes interesting characters, and both of these guys don't really have any flaws. It's kinda the important thing about their characters - the supermen, and how they interact with a world that's as true as them.

But the Cap bleeds.

Oh, sure, you can right a good story about Superman pointing out his admirable restraint. He could take over the planet umpteen times over, but doesn't. He could kill, but doesn't. But Superman has the options. Hell, if shit went wrong, movie Superman could just turn back time. He's invulnerable. He's so powerful, he rarely suffers any consequences. Superman. Is. Boring. It's not like he's capable of losing.

In comparison, the Cap has to get it right first time. If he doesn't, he has to live with his failure and the consequences. He doesn't have superpowers coming at the wazoo. He's got his strength, and a shield powered by pure brilliant bullshit. He's not invulnerable, so when he's trying to not kill anyone, he's doing so at great personal risk to himself. He can't waltz up to a dude bouncing bullets off his abs and stare at him until they realise they're fighting a living god, and the pointlessness that entails. Nope. The Cap is better than a mortal, but not an immortal. He bleeds. He had risk. Yes, he'll win, because the hero always wins, but there is a tension to it that Superman doesn't endear. In the final act of Captain America 2, the Cap had to try to save the world with a couple of bullets lodged in his gut, along with a smattering of bullets in other limbs. Which, you know, fucking hurts. Heroism through strife - not something Superman regularly encounters.

I came out of Captain America 2 wanting to read comics featuring the Cap for 20 minutes, before remembering I have no reference point and as a sixty year plus character more than a handful of bad writers would of got their hands on him. But still, 20 minutes! That is 19 minutes and 43 seconds more then what Superman ever conjured up in me.

If we go just off the movies, which is admittedly my main reference point, my constant slams to Man of Steel and lavish praise to the Cap's recent film would show my colours clear here. And Metacritic agrees with me here, which is important, as it backs my argument up.






Yes, and fine, in a stand up fight Superman would trounce the Cap. Duh. He's Superman.

My politicians are scum. What's new?

Remember when I once talked about how being able to vote on your own pay rise is a thing that's so staggering stupid and open to corruption I was amazed it lasted as long as it did in my country? I mean, I figured, of all the self-serving bullshit in my country, at least that was out, and all is well. Tragically, it turned out I wasn't quite right, because it turns out something else my elected representatives can do it vote on their own policing AND FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

SERIOUSLY.

THEY DO THAT. WOW. NO WAY THAT CAN GO WRONG!

So I guess you know what's pissing me off today!

(And incidentally, I should put forth that this is an opinion piece, because, yeah. I able to sling some shit here.)

Sadly, as this is the internet, I must point out it is her actions that anger me. Her gender has nothing to do with it. Fucking internet bullshit.

Culture Secretary, Maria Miller, come on down! It turns out you claimed just a shade over ninety fucking grand for a house you shared with your parents - real prick move, by the way - and to add to this misery, the investigation declared she only had to pay back around £45K. No, not jail time from kinda sorta thieving from my country, oh no! Just pay back half, you've learnt your lesson.

You know, if it ended there, I'd be pretty damn angry. Oh, but wait, we have more! You see, she appealed to House of Commons Committee on Standards (a panel mostly made up of fellow MPs) and that declared she should only have to pay back £5,800.

Ah.

Ah ha ha.

Haaaaah.

No.

That little shit can go to fucking jail.

She claimed money from the taxpayer she knew she wasn't entitled to, from my country, that in my opinion is theft, she can go to fucking jail. You want to step up and call the sick, the old, the disabled, the young, the unlucky as thieving scroungers and this happens and it's all right?

She loses her job, and goes to fucking jail, right the fuck now. But she isn't.

And if it ended there, I'd be livid. Oh, but wait, we have more! You see, when when the Telegraph was investigating all of this, they got a phone call from Craig Oliver, a senior aide to Davy boy, who raised the point of the Leveson inquiry like the sword of Damocles over this investigation. So yes, that's a goddamn threat to the media who for once were actually doing some investigative journalism for a change. Oh, and since she's apologized, apparently, that's it, get back to work people, we're drawn a line under this whole issue. I mean, the apology came in at just over thirty seconds people, how repentant can you get?

I lack the vocabulary to express how utterly angry and disgusted I am with our elected representatives right now.

I don't give a flying turd that there's been some debate over how interest rates means that how much she took versus what she was eligible to take - I don't care. \It wasn't second house and she knew it. In that case... say it with me: She. Fucking. Stole. It. She wrote down what she was owed - knowing that she wasn't - and took it. In my opinion, that is stealing, and I don't know how else you can interpret those actions. The end.

I am trying so hard to not have this post break down into angry screaming and I'm clearly not succeeding. But I am so done with the two-faced nature what we seem to accept our leader do by rote.

You know what, IDS? You know what you people could do to stop this expenses stuff 'eating away at the credibility of Parliament'? I'll tell you. You can have the police arrest people who claim fraudulently. You can have people in Parliament who commit crimes face consequences.You can stick them in jail and deny them from working in Parliament again. You can hold all of you to a higher standard, and those that don't make the cut can fuck off.

Because you're in Parliament. You shouldn't get second chances. Because you are running the whole bloody country. You shouldn't have the luxury of mistakes. And if you think that's harsh, perhaps you people could try using the grey matter between your ears next time you consider half-assing something.

That'll never happen though. Wouldn't want to enact something that fucks over your friends, hey?

My contempt is so much now that I can taste bile. Well done.

I left on a gif, thus I ended on a light note.