Ukraine vs Russia, once more I solve all the problems

The more think about the escalating situation in Ukraine, the more one course of action seems necessary to avoid World War 3 ramping up.

And that solution is simple. Ukraine.

You gotta have a threesome.

Once again, movies provides all the answers

It's clear to everybody that double dating Russia and the EU has broken down, the secret's out and they're both getting rather jealous of the other. Trying to go exclusive with Russia, something your head wanted but not the heart, has failed. Unfortunately, Russia's the possessive type, and now has decided to not loan you out the cash you sorely needed, and threatened to break all your shit if he ever saw you sniffing around the EU again.

So the clearly logical conclusion is to get you, the EU and Russia in bed together and just fuck your tensions out. As long as no same-sex stuff happens that might freak Russia out (in fact, just call anything butt related off limits to be on the safe side) you might be able to finish up without the Cold War re-igniting.

Though, uh, the Cold War was named as it wasn't 'hot,' ie: the main combatants only fighting through proxies, and if America strictly speaking ins't involved in any way... then it is the two main guys slugging it out, so it's a Hot Wat, only it has greater ramifications so it's like the fuck it. Cold War. Bored now. It'll do. Whatever.

Though a second idea may be to turn around and say, 'Pfft, fuck it, Russia, you win, you're in charge now.' I mean, it's not exactly what many people in Ukraine seem to want, but on the other hand, this scenario is one that secretly Russia may not want to win. Let's face it, Ukraine has some serious debt and history of mis-management. Whoever wins is going to have to pay out some big bucks, bigger if they've been merrily blowing chunks out the infrastructure and dear lord I hope it doesn't come down to that. Which Russia really can't afford to pay, because while they could have a bake sale involving old Soviet weaponry, I'm sure between them already doing that multiple times in the past and corrupt officers and criminals doing that themselves they don't have a lot of the proverbial change in the proverbial sofa.

Let's face it, when Yanukovych surfaced in Russia they weren't exactly thrilled by this turn of events. Russia will happily host Snowden forever in exchange for no more than the lulz of making America look like dicks, but ol' Yanukovych managed to be so incompetent he lost himself his own country. Russia isn't exactly thrilled to be hosting him. Besides, Snowden looks so lightweight he's bound to be making little headway with the free vodka his hosts offer, unlike Yanukovych who looks like he could drink Russia out of house and home.

Better to get all bullish, which they're doing now, get the EU nice and committed... and quickly pull out, and leave them with the check as Russia slips out the bathroom window in the back. Or you could get more bullish, more strict, move more troops around and into Ukraine... and Obama will look so damn stupid that the next election America will be champing at the bit to vote in a real Republican that hates him some commie bastards and is desperate to do the Cold War right this time.

Now that I think about it, if there's any chance that America's higher ups actually believe that gay sexual activities cause bad weather then this new Cold War may see the start of weaponised homosexuality. Onboard a rainbow B-52 circling Russia, a mass gay orgy is responsible or bringing the wrath of nature on America's enemies.

Like this, but even more fabulous.

Perhaps we should think further out of the box. After all, Russia already has troops and vehicles stationed around Ukraine's borders and in Crimea. Truly now is the time for blue sky thinking. Well, we know that Russia wants to keep their influence in Ukraine, especially as in Crimea Russia has ports that don't freeze over in the winter. So. How about a timeshare? Monday to Wednesday, Russia runs Ukraine, Thursday to Saturday, let Ukraine decide their own destiny. Sunday can be decided via ping pong competion or if one side has an unfair advantage in ping pong athletes, there's an even fifty two weeks in a year. That'll divide with no worries.

Now hasn't this post been a serious of hilarious images that have completely diminished the horror that it looks like all out war between Russia and Ukraine is about to break out? Huh! Huh! Yeaaaaah?

No?

Damn it.