Immigration and hilarious tabloid hysterics

If you're reading this from Britain today, I commend you. Ever since the immigration curbs have expired, even getting on the internet is an almighty chore, having to battle through the legions of Romanians and Bulgarians squatting cheek to jowel in your living rooms to get to your computer. Should of tried your tablet, but it's lost amongst all the immigrants. If you lack internet access at home, you'd have to struggle against the tides of begging Romanians and Bulgarians occupying every square inch of pavement, overspilling so violently that no one has managed to travel by car for the last week.

JESUS CHRIST FLEE. GET OUT OF THERE YOU DAMNED FOOL.

Oh fie the foolishness of our leaders! Today our country is overfilled in the extreme, hordes of vile Romanians and Bulgarians in every aspect of our lives and for fuck's sake I can't keep this up anymore.

It turns out that torrid reality only existed in the fever dreams of our tabloids, but it's stirring stuff, isn't it? Untold masses quivering in every corner, simultaneously talking all our jobs and all our benefits in a beautiful paradox.

Eventually, someone at the tabloids will coin onto one incredible fact: immigration happens. And then the follow up fact: immigration has always been happening.

Must we do the same tired dance each and every time? First it was the Jewish menace. Then the Irish. Then the Jamaicans. Then the Indians. Then the Polish. And today is the Romanians. Also Bulgarians, but they often get left of the front pages because between the two that's nearly twenty letters, and putting both on your front page will take up most of it without any space left to put terrible fantasies to print. And the funny think? Look back at that list. We don't give a shit about any of them anymore, save the ones tan enough to look like Muslims, who as we know, are all terrorists, and we never had any terrorists before the Muslims, as our infallible collective consciousness would dictate.

"Er, what about-" "-Shush! Don't tell them!"

Honestly, if you're Polish in Britain now, you best bet to finally be accepted into our country is wander about in public, sidling up to random strangers and complaining about those damn Romanians stealing all our jobs, completing the cycle. And for any Romanian's in Britain now, don't worry: give it a year or so, and some other ethnic group will be reporting to be moving here on masse and you can pick on them. Of course, you've probably been here for ages anyway, but why ruin a good tabloid fiction?

Admittedly, for all my flippancy, there's at least some good news. It may turn out that there's little money in outright bigotry, as Nick Griffin's gone bankrupt. Aw. As we know, gloating is crass, so instead I'll be over here playing the world's smallest violin in sympathy.

Hmm. Too big. I'll keep looking.

See, Nicky, you should of stuck with subtle racism. And subtle homophobia and misogyny and probably have a dozen more bad -ism's that I can't be bothered to remember. I mean, it's doing the Tories well right now, as they're having fun cutting out benefits, rewriting history and destroying the NHS without anyone really opposing them or swearing to fix things once they get ousted.

Tragically, this won't prevent him from standing as an European Member of Parliament, but considering I was originally hoping that his repellent views would prevent him from standing by being unpalatable to voters... eh, whatevs. Then again, I secretly suspect the only reason he was voted as a MEP was that we as a populace saw an opportunity to quietly lead him out the country and he gladly took it. Maybe that's what we should of done with Abu Qatada - bollocks to all the extradition attempts, give him a MEP job and watch him wander out the country on his own accord.

Basically, the news has been very, very boring recently, and very, very predictable.