Under construction

Totally what I look like.

So I came to a realisation a few months ago. If your head is pinned against a surface by a women and an instruction given whilst she idly twirls an instrument just ever so slightly out of your eyeline then that instruction gets absolutely followed. It gets followed the hell of it.

There's real potential here. Got a drug problem? Smoker? Kleptomania? Unquechable desire to suppress gay people's rights? Then my patented method will fix it! We'll pin your head to the table, have a women look you in the eye and say;

'You need to be less of a dick'

...and blam! Problem fixed. Hell, that may be the way to actually improve myself.

I suppose a little bit of context may be needed. A few months ago there was was a mysterious pain in my lower jaw... which then later developed into full blown agony. Yep. Wisdom teeth plus an absess does not a happy combo make. Now my teeth are both bad and good. Bad as they are crooked as fuck due to me passing over a brace when I was younger (bad plan) but good - they're all there, all intact, no fillings. So I was pretty confident that the emergency dental appointment would pass quickly with a thumbs up from the dentist.

Where she pinned my head to the chair, looked me in the eye, picked up what can only be called a 'device' and said 'You need to floss more.'

In my head, I could imagine my Libido walking in to a frantic inner personality conference...

Libido: Guys, why haven't I been called up here?

Me: Wha? Kinda busy here!

Libido: No seriously, we have here one, no two attractive women, clearly knowing what they want,  you're pinned to a table...'

Me: That doesn't do anything for me!

Suppressed Side: Yes it does!

Me: Shut up!

Inner critic: God we're pathetic.

Libido: I'm just saying we are checking a LOT of check boxes here on your personal kink list yet I've been relegated to twiddling my thumbs over here whilst Fear, Inner Critic and Suppressed Side hog all the glory!

Me: A.) You are practically up here 24/7 so a brief time out is probably good for me and 2.) We're in a dentists.

Libido: What?

Me: They're dentists. They're holding a dentist thing. It stinks of antiseptic in here.

Fear: Wanna see my check boxes?

Libido: No, we're good. I'll go back to the corner. Urgh. What it that? A hose? A sucky hose? What's that do?

Me: Christ I don't want to know.

Fear: It's to suck the blood/saliva out the way when...

Me: I repeat; none of us want to know.

Fear: I HOLD THE COUCH I WILL SPEAK NOW.

I'll be honest with everyone (literally, the one person who turned up) here. I have a habit of starting but never finishing personal improvement stuff. Gym memberships, additional qualifications, skill practising (as you can see by my lamentable 'art' up there) last for a few months or days before boredom sets in. But now? Months in and I floss. I get nervous if I've yet to do it. Between my teeth shine if you cared to get close enough to look. And my discipline is holding strong. 

Because she pinned my head to a table. God bless you, random dentist.