The last dregs of the Christmas tinsel
has been cleared away, the New Year Sales signs have retreated into
the back... so it's time for the next round of festivities,
Valentines day. Every time it swings around, I have the same thoughts
running through my head.
Firstly, I am highly aware that it's no
more than a cynical cheap ploy by card manufacturers to pull in some
cash in the period between Christmas and Easter. I know I am capable
of telling my wonderful girlfriend that I love her whenever I want
(usually after breaking something of hers by accident), and can throw
elaborate demonstrations of my love whenever I feel like (usually by
actually tidying up some of my mess that I leave liberally in my
passing), and we're both adults, and so can buy chocolate and alcohol
whenever we damn well please. I'm not past the magic, there was no
magic to begin with.
But... the whispering voices suggest.
Isn't it nice to buy flowers, to buy chocolates, to buy cards and
make a big deal of the woman I love?
Er, yes, it is, but the reason I
haven't bought flowers recently is because it's fucking winter and I
haven't seen any nice deals, we still have chocolate left over from
Christmas...
Just do the fucking holiday already,
the whispers snap.
Hey hey hey! I respond back, because
there ain't no argument like an inner-head argument. I never said I
wasn't going to do it, and I never said I was going to resent or do
it without anything less than enthusiasm. At which point the
whispers get confused, and I have to patiently explain to them that
making a point about the shallowness of the festivities doesn't
involve refusing to be a part. I can be aware of the cynical
invention whilst enjoying it regardless. It's a day to do something a
little out the norm to show your love, affection, and gratitude, in a
way that is the norm, and that's not just fine, that's wonderful.
Like when most of the conversations with your mother occur only
around Christmas and Mother's Day; sometimes it's nice to have a
societal-backed event to remind you that you should be paying
attention to the people that you care about.
It's just that I dislike the fact it
took a shady card conglomerate to make it happen.
Also, straight up declaring you don't
'do,' Valentines day? Dick move. Have fun sticking it to the man and
being totally alone, chump. Sometimes we do the ritual 'cos
regardless of the ritual, not doing it is quite frankly a douche play
to everyone else.
Also the cards in question.
Yeah, finally telling my girlfriend I
love her was not only a great life event and yadda yadda, it really
made card shopping so much easier. Look at Valentines day
cards. They go:
Wife Cards--> Finance Cards-->
The Woman I Love Cards--> Comedy Girlfriend Cards--> Victims of
My Stalking Cards.
However, in the earlier stages of our
relationship, this was a wholly unworkable system. I mean clearly,
wife and finance cards are out, stalker cards finally out at this
point, but due to cowardice the Woman I Love cards are out and I'm
down to a Comedy Girlfriend card which really wasn't appropriate any
more.
In fact, those Comedy Girlfriend cards
seem barely appropriate for anyone, at any stage of a relationship.
How many card have you seen with the not-said but implied meaning; 'I
sort of care for you as a whole person, but I'm mostly in love with
certain parts of you that you let me touch. With my hands AND my
willy.'
So I was forced to trudge around shop
after shop, to find a card hidden at the back underneath an
inexplicable collection of Chinese New Year and Thanksgiving cards,
which took the girlfriend subject seriously enough yet not so serious
to causally throw around words I was too scared to use. So. First
saying 'I love you'; not just a life event but also makes card
shopping just that much more convenient.
Admittedly, nowadays it's a bit easier.
I mean, for Christmas, I got a Christmas card from my dad which was a
'To My Son and His Partner Card,' which is bloody specific, perhaps
hinting at 'To My Idiotic Son Who Should Hurry Up And Marry Her, I
Want Grandkids' or maybe 'To My Son and His Room-mate He Claims Is
'Just A Really Close Friend,' But You've Lived With Him For Eight
Years, Moved Into A House Together, And We Do See Your Facebook
Photos, You Can Come Out The Closet As We Love You And Barry Is A
Swell Guy Anyway Who Always Lets Me Beat Him At Golf.' I mean, it did
seem kinda unisex in decorations on the front. Which is ever more
specific, come to think or it, and good on whoever the company was
who made it. Probably not Clintons, not on account of any
company based homophobia, more on account of company-based bankruptcy
due to people figuring out there were much cheaper options.
It's just that Valentine's Day's
everywhere. And it's not like Christmas, where you can get a present
and the recipient has no idea what it could be, as the recipient is
walking past what they're going to get every time they go food
shopping. I mean, flowers, chocolates, they're pretty much standard
and I can't think or much else that's penetrated the Valentines day
gift market and heh. Penetrated. Penetration and Valentines
day do you get... okay back to serious face now. I mean, you pick
up a really nice box of chocolates, and as you look down you realise
they've slashed the price down to 57p and you know, you just know, if
it was got for you, you'd be flattered... and at the back of your
mind you'd go 'Wait, didn't I see that box go for 57p? Huh.
Cheap-ass. Shows how much they care.' So off you go looking for a
obscure box to keep some degree of mystery about how much you spent.
I mean, it isn't about the amount you spend. We all know this. You
just don't really want to bring attention to the final amount, to
have the receiver to only have an approximation, not the exact amount
with the change left over from a fiver. So if you're wondering that
I'm complaining about the stereotypic gifts for a holiday suddenly
dropping in prices rather than the opposite to scalp people, yes I
am. I don't want to look like a cheap-ass.
Look, this is not me being a grump I
swear, I just... couldn't we get a box? A box of all the Valentines
day stuff. We have it in the store, right, and when we want to
actively look for gifts, we look in the box. That way, we can find
and buy the stuff we want, and as it's not in our eye-line all the
damn time we'd not have price subliminally drilled into our skulls.
Hmm. Maybe if I got the day off I'd
stop seeing all the cynical background, 'cos I'd be too busy
cynically enjoying the day off. Hell, we get the fewest amount of
bank holidays in Europe, why not?
Er. Actually, come to think of it, make
the 15th the day off. For, ya know, reasons.
Seems a better idea.
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